Sensational Living®
January 2005
© 2005 by Bret S. Beall

GO WITH THE FLOW!

Much has been written about "going with the flow." Now it's my turn, and this will be the first of an unusual series of columns through 2005 because increasing my "going with the flow" is one of my New Year's resolutions (fortunately, New Year's resolutions don't have to be kept secret, as birthday wishes are supposed to be!). You see, I have spent so much of my life as a regimented researcher, an executive manager, an event planner, a professional organizer, a design consultant and a recipe developer that "going with the flow" is almost anathema to me. I am accustomed to imposing order onto chaos. That said, I have also had enough first hand experiences that clearly demonstrate the value of going with the flow that I KNOW I must embrace this approach even more than I already have. I hope by sharing my Path that you will feel empowered to adopt this approach in your everyday life to the extent you deem appropriate.

I'll start with an amazing story about a wicker chair. I had a situation that made me say, "FINALLY, things are working as they should." As I have shared, I had been having a difficult time finding a second chair for the newly redesigned and redecorated sunroom (Senses of Living - October 2004). In that article, I said that I would report how my search went. With the impending visit of a beloved guest over the past Thanksgiving holiday, I realized her visit would mean that one of us would have had to sit on 1) a chair from another room, 2) a stool, or 3) a pillow on the floor if I didn't get another chair for the sunroom. None of those solutions was problematic, but also they were not ideal.

I had first visited Pier 1 when they were having a sale on wicker furniture; I described this in the column linked above, but the upshot is that the $75 chair I bought wouldn't fit in my car, so I quickly got a refund. A month or so passed when, one day, while visiting another neighborhood, I stopped in at my favorite thrift store (which has furnished much of my home). I had not been there for a while, and there was only ONE person I knew. Plus, they had a new sign: NO returns or refunds (so much for being customer-friendly). When I saw a pair of rather cool high back wicker chairs, and saw the price for one was $45, I thought that might be a good solution to my sunroom. But, would it fit into my little car? My experience with a failed purchase of the $75 wicker chair from Pier 1 had left me cautious. Anyway, the thrift store staff were incredulous that I would want to 1) buy the chair, 2) see if it fit in the car, and 3) return it if it didn't fit; one of them copped an attitude, "Once you buy it, it's YOUR responsibility to transport it." Another one did make an interesting suggestion: Pull my car up in front of the store, and try to fit it in BEFORE paying. Whatever. I told them, "This is SO complicated that I think it is a sign that I don't need this chair." Cliff Notes version: I went with the flow.

Anyway, three days before Thanksgiving (and the arrival of my friend), I stopped at a thrift store in my neighborhood because the day before I had seen two wicker chairs in the window as I passed by when they were still closed. By the time I returned, one had been sold (the less attractive of the two). The remaining chair was quite sturdy and pretty comfortable, and I knew it was right! I asked the owner for the price. "$22, but I'll take $20." THAT was a sign. I paid, and put the chair on my head, and walked home, entertaining several people along the way. It looks great in the proper spot of the sunroom ... and the design is truly unusual and cool (the back and arms are asymmetrical and somewhat organic!). Clearly THIS was the chair for me. I got it by going with the flow, accepting that the "right" chair would manifest, and that I would be able to get it home. I was rewarded for not trying to impose my will on the situation by having the situation be resolved so easily (and at ¼ of the original anticipated cost!).

I noticed that many families did not "go with the flow" during the recent holiday season. This past season, as with EVERY holiday season, there were news stories about distraught parents trying to find THE "hot" gift for their child, but encountered insufficient supplies (the cynic in me wonders whether the supply was artificially suppressed to enhance demand). Some videogame was this year's must-buy for kids. It was $149! One mother said her eight and eleven year old children wanted it so badly that she'd "just die if I can't find one." In the past, Tickle Me Elmo, Furby and Cabbage Patch Kids were THE must-buy holiday gift, and a lot of stress occurred as a result of trying to find these toys. Now, what would happen if we all decided to "go with the flow?" In this context, that means accepting the fact that, if the toy (or any item) isn't available, then we (or our children) don't need it. We could redirect our energies to more productive, educational, rewarding, even "fun" investments. What would happen if we shifted holiday gift-giving from material items to more social interactions? Not exclusively, but a change in perspective might not be so bad. And if we go with the flow when an item isn't available, it just makes that change in perspective easier.

Recently, I have accepted several new clients who wanted to hire me for my managerial, organizational and administrative skills. One client needed me to upgrade my software skills, which I was quite willing to do. I contacted an agency to take their software tutorials. After taking the tutorials, I had to take exams. I scored in the 98th and 92nd percentiles on the first two programs, but when the time came to take the final two exams, I was mentally exhausted. I suggested it might be best to postpone the exams, but the agency encouraged me to go ahead and take the tests. I ended up scoring in the 95th and 100th percentiles on the two final tests. This happened because I went with the flow instead of trying to over-plan. As a result, the client that wanted me to upgrade my software skills called me a superstar, and more commissions are likely. Another new client was effusive in her praise because of my upgraded skills and my pre-existing skills (she particularly appreciated my organizational talent, calling me "absolutely awesome" and a "life saver."). In my ideal world, I would prefer lifestyle rather than business clientele, but by going with the flow of what was available, I received some fairly gratifying "strokes." Gotta love that!

All of this talk about "going with the flow" ties in with other essays I've written. It ties in with my "Listening is Loving" article at Sensational Living - November 2004. It is stated explicitly in "The Logic of Letting Go" at http://www.soulfulliving.com/logic_letting_go.htm. "Going with the Flow" is also an adjunct to "Everything Happens For a Reason" (and since I wrote about that philosophy at Sensational Living - March 2004, I had to work really hard to avoid repeating the phrase here). So, if I've covered this topic before, why am I writing about again, and why am I ranking "going with the flow" as an important New Year's resolution? Simple. We can understand ideas intellectually. We can even implement them. This is different from making them an everyday practice. It is different from habituating. It is different from conditioning our behavior. Though I have made significant improvement in my own ability to "go with the flow," I can always improve, and that's what I intend to do. It's all a process. Every one of us has lessons to learn and improvements to make, and just as I have shared my past lessons as attainable examples via these columns, I will share this lesson with you throughout 2005 as it unfolds.

I have also learned that sometimes, if slightly different words are used, the message can seep into minds that previously were resistant. I speak in the first person, because I recall specifically reading the essays of others, intellectually knowing I had encountered this information before, and it just happened that the "message" sank in upon this reading the new version. It is my hope to provide another accessible voice.

Consider this column documenting my New Year's resolution as my version of "reality lifestyle." Just as the producers of reality TV judiciously edit their tapes, be assured that I will be editing my experiences. I am certain that this won't diminish the value of the lesson. But, you can always let me know your perceptions of this experiment by calling me at 773.508.9208, or emailing me at bret@god-dess.com. I'm just an old scientist at heart, collecting data to test hypotheses. I wonder what we'll find out?